Capitaan dildo arrescate!
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
