Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Damn victory sex feels great
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