saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
