Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
