You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
