That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
