so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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