farters have to be the big spoon...
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
