you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
