i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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