I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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