You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
