You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
