His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I love you. Go after that dick
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
