He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
