you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
