If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
