Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I'm just crazy horny about you
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
