i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
