So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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