fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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