Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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