This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
