i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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