I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
