my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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