She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i came on her dog
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
