what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
