I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
