I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
