it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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