He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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