we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize