the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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