I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize