I think my vagina is haunted
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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