i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
