For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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