Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
