Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
