when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize