Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
