pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize