Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize