Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
