i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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