if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
