um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
