operation harelip BJ is a go
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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