I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
