I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
