Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
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