OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
