Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
