i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Randomize
