Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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