Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
