after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
