Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
