If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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