I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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