Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
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