I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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