Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
