Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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