You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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