Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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