I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
