"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
