I hate all girls vehemently.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
