I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
