Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
