Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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