Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Be still, my beating vagina.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
