haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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