Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
