Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Randomize
